The Secret Diary of Gilderoy Lockhart
by Helen Weasley
Summary: When leaving a special suprise in Umbridge's office, Helen Pemberton finds a diary that Lockhart kept as a professor.


The Secret Diary of Gilderoy Lockhart

Note: When giving Umbridge a little – er – _surprise _in her office, George and I stumbled upon this interesting little book. It's a little Pensive into Lockhart's deranged world. Enjoy.

–Helen Pemberton(soon to be Weasley).

Entry number one- 

Today was the first day at Hogwarts. I must say, Severus Snape seems to not like me. I can't understand why, though…Anyone and everyone should love me…I mean, just _look _at me...how could you not?

I feel very responsible for Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley flying that Muggle contraption to school. I must have put the idea of how wonderful fame is into Harry's head. I'm going to discuss this with him tomorrow, I'm sure he'll thank me for the advice.

-_Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile award. _

Entry number two- 

My first day of teaching wasn't as wonderful as I thought it would be. No one seemed to have read my books over the summer break – only one person in all of my classes got a one hundred percent. Her name was something…Oh, like I can remember. All I care about is the fact that I'm in line for another award!

I let out the Cornish Pixies today for the second years. No one seemed frightened of them like I thought they would be. One little bugger actually _laughed_ at them. I let them out, and then they became the little terrors I believed them to be. I was so excited to hear a few screams of terror. But then they caused a lot of havoc – I had to take hours out of my hair brushing time in order to fix the pictures of me that they ruined.

-_Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile award. _

Entry number three- 

Potter seems to be dodging me in the halls. Why would anyone want to ignore _me_? And Snape seems to want to curse me every time I talk to him. I have a feeling I'm not as well liked as I'd like to be.

-_ Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile award._

Entry number four- 

I gave that oaf Hagrid some advice today on how to get kelpies out of a well. He seemed to not appreciate it. I'm positive I was right about it all. I don't understand why Albus even allows that…thing…on school grounds.

Potter acted very strange during detention tonight. We were signing pictures for my many fans, and he said something about hearing a voice. I think he's going a little crazy, although I just said that he must be tired. I made him go to bed, but I think I might've made a better choice in sending him to St. Mungo's.

-_ Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile award._

_Entry number five-_

I think people are starting to suspect that I never really did everything I talk about in my books. I might have to start using some more memory charms to make sure they don't think that anymore…

-_ Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile award._

Entry number six- 

The Chamber of Secrets was opened yesterday, on Halloween. I'm thinking about leaving the school…I hate to think of what that monster might do to my handsome face.

Potter's the one being suspected to open it. I'm not sure if I believe that…He's not the type to want to kill Muggle-borns, I think.

Snape's trying to steal my thunder…I wonder if Albus would notice if Snape went missing.

-_ Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile award._

Entry number seven- 

Potter and his friends wanted a book out of the Restricted section of the library the other day, and they asked me to sign the paper. I doubt they really wanted to get that book…they probably just wanted my autograph. They really don't need to make excuses, though. I'd be glad to give anyone an autograph, really.

I helped out Potter again during the Quidditch match. I tried to fix his broken arm, but I accidentally removed the bones. I'm starting to think that everyone's thinking I'm a fraud. I can't prove them right…I need to be more careful…

-_ Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile award._

Entry number eight- 

I'm thinking about changing my signature…here's some ideas:

Gilderoy Lockhart Hmm…It's a little too messy and it kind of looks like a beginner's…I'm _definitely _not a beginner.

**Gilderoy Lockhart **Well…It's not cursivey enough.

Gilderoy Lockhart Ooh … I kind of like it.

Gilderoy Lockhart It's a little too thick. 

Gilderoy Lockhart Too hard to do over and over again.

Gilderoy Lockhart Perfect! I think I'll use this one…But I might as well keep going…I really like to write my name! Gilderoy Lockhart The other one's better. I'm really enjoying this! Gilderoy Lockhart Too Snape-like. Gilderoy Lockhart It's too normal. Not enough of an autograph look. 

Gilderoy Lockhart You can barely read this one. Never would work.

Gilderoy Lockhart _Way _too girly. 

Gilderoy Lockhart is my new way to write my name…I like it.

-_ Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile award._

Entry number nine- 

We did a defense class today because of the opening of the Chamber of Secrets – Albus wants the students to protect themselves, apparently. But when Draco Malfoy made a snake go at Potter, he started to _talk _to it. Potter's a Parselmouth, so maybe he _is _the one doing all this…

-_ Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile award._

Entry number ten- 

No one seemed to appreciate the decorations or the cherubs for Valentines day. I thought it might cheer everyone up, but it seemed to just irk them all. And I got some – interesting – comments on my pink robes. _I _liked them. One red headed boy asked me if I was planning on giving my boyfriend anything for the holiday. I'm still trying to understand what he meant by that.

I got forty six valentine cards before breakfast started…a total of one hundred and twelve by the end of the day. I did get a few hate letters to. I'm not understanding why anyone gave those to me.

-_ Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile award._

_Entry number eleven-_

Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Gilderoy Lockhart Practice makes perfect!

-_ Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile award._

Entry number twelve- 

They want me to get Ginny Weasley out of the Chamber…I've decided to run…I'm already packing as I write this. I'll just get out of the grounds and Disapparate…oh, no someone's com –


End file.
